Friday, April 8, 2011

G - Green Green Grass of Home

I could say that 90 % of my posts are spontaneous and inspired by the essence of what the day brings, or has brought.  Even when I gave myself a theme for the month or as is the case for April, participating in the challenge, I do not plan much ahead what I will be sharing (except for a central goal, that I would like to achieve, for example in April 365~self-portraits being taken more outdoors).  I am as surprise as the readers will be how a blog will turn out - always hoping it will be inspiring not only for me!

Today's letter is G.  Looking through the pictures I took from the day, I heard the song: Green Green Grass of Home play in my head.  This is how I came to choose the word for today's letter.

I am fully aware of what the song is narrating, and in between writing this blog, I youtubed a version sung by Tom Jones. His rendition was so moving. The song for me is holding onto (an image of) hope and dreams, even as death nears.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I experienced many years of deep depression.  Although in hindsight, I saw the beginnings of it during the age of puberty, it became chronic after I left the country of my birth.

It was not until I gave birth to middle daughter in 2002, 9 years of living as an expat, that I sought a psychiatrist, and was diagnosed with manic-depression.  Another 9 years to finally talk about it openly, as I do now.

I wish I could tell you, I have found a miracle cure for it, and that I live a happily ever after life.  What I can say though without any hesitation is, I am happy, still living with this ailment but I have found a better way to live with it.

We are now living in the Netherlands for 2 years, and I feel at home.  Not only at home where we are geographically but at home with my family, with myself. 

There are still a lot of  storms ahead of us to weather through but the soil where we have planted the roots of our family tree is rich with love, and we know as we grow together, we will only get stronger as a unit and as an individual within this unit.

Meanwhile we enjoy the verdance of the life surrounding us, and are very grateful to witness how nature shows it's pure beauty through different seasons.  The moments when I think this must be just a dream, and I will wake up in my old self, still confused, angry and hurting, lost in the fog of numbness, are fleeting away.

Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherries.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.
Yes, they'll all come to meet me, arms reaching, smiling sweetly.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.

Have you come home?


  1. Home for me in my mind as a child, was Holland but I have lived all my life in Australia. Australia is my home, Holland is my mother's. She is here now too and does not want to call Holland home any more but still even at 92 years of age she wants to go home for a visit one more time.

  2. Hello, Elizabeth!

    I have been thinking of you, and of posts I can share that will bring you a bit of Holland.

    Please tell me if you have any suggestions.

    I wonder if you have written about you childhood memories of Holland, and your first visit here?

    Hopefully, next week, when there is more peace, I can look through your archives. Your story fascinates me.

    Warm regards, Joanna aka paper ~