Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Life's High & Lows

When I can't settle down for the evening, I blog and release my thoughts to help me fall asleep...

After a series of highs, one (could) expect a low; it's how life simply balances itself, it seems.

Hilversum City Run 2012  22nd of April

Hamburg Marathon Relay 2012 29th of April
Marikenloop 2012  20th of May
Ladiesrun Rotterdam 2012 10th of June
Vechtloop 2012  24th of June
It's hard to remain neutral about certain situations. Even if you've been there before, and you know in the end, all will be alright.

You simply have to wait it out. There is - really! - no joy in being right for it's own sake, and be able to say it at the moment you want to state you are, and add stubbornly, "Just you wait and see!". *with shaking fists to prove your point*

It's never cool. It will not hasten the process of everything feeling all right. It will always, in the end, look awfully and painfully lame. Trust me on this.

There is much bliss though, in quietly acknowledging it to yourself, when the time has come. Not loudly to the person you wanted to prove yourself to (even if there is a huge temptation to say, "Nananananana!" and blow a raspberry!) . . .

Truly, situation where you find yourself frustrated to let yourself be heard but circumstances forces you to be quiet, can only make you a stronger person.

It's hard not to over-react, be overly emotional about certain situations. Specially, when it's something you are quiet sensitive about because you have to work extra hard on it.

You simply have to stay with your convictions because experience have shown how it's served you well.

Littlest while waiting for me to pass during the Ladiesrun Rotterdam 2012 5K

The pain I feel now, I have felt before. It makes being joyous, when the moments come, all the more sweet.

Ladiesrun Rotterdam 2012 5K, mijn liefste P happy with how the day went, as I!
Postscript after writing this blog:

I feel better now. :)

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Consoling the Mind & Heart at Kinderdijk

*Eldest capturing one of the many different perspectives of some of the 19 windmills that could be found @ Kinderdijk

We were suppose to spend a long weekend in Germany but due to a very sad breakdown on communication with the person we were suppose to visit, the family and I decided to stay home and spend the weekend, in Holland instead.

The hotel reservation we made, not even an hour before the  late Friday afternoon of our departure, was cancelled shortly after the last attempt to save the unfortunate situation (special mention & thanks to the personnel of Hotel Ibis Cologne Leverkusen for being very accomodating, courteous, and understanding with our plight) .

We were very grateful for their assistance and friendliness, which helped alleviate the shock we felt on what we thought would be a start of a special weekend, with someone we have not seen for three years.

I also missed running a 10K, which would have been early this morning, but I decided in the end not to run it because it hast lost it's meaning; I chose it with the purpose of dedicating it to the person we were visiting.

Yesterday, I ran almost an hour along the Molenkade @ Kinderdijk to replace the 10K, I was suppose to run this Sunday morning; mijn liefste P captured this momentn - the last meters of a fulfilling run:)
In the end, thanks to my wonderful family we did end up with a very special weekend:

Self-portrait of sisters  enjoying the athmosphere @Kinderdijk, captured by eldest.  It's alway nice to know through pictures, what they do while I am out for a run.  This time they were out along with me @ the Molenkade - well we were separated by a couple of kilometers, as they took this picture.
Eldest and youngest together. :) Both loving the outdoors.

For today's blog, I fervently wanted to share the picture* (see the first image above of the row of windmills), which eldest daughter took from our yesterday's spontaneous outing to Kinderdijk. And some other images capturing the essence of the day.

I love how the family came together, and turn around a terrible episode into a warm bonding experience.

Eldest took this picture; she is very thoughtful, and "directs" us a bit because she wants us to "look good". :)

In the process, the first weekend of June will always be remembered as the weekend we all finally get to visit Kinderdijk!

And oh! Remember, our blue tit fledglings? Saturday morning we were able to watch each of them as they flew out of the nest one by one! If I am not mistaken (since I have not had the chance to look through all our pictures and videos from the last couple of days) we were able to record at least one if not two of them flying out of the bird house.

Below is the clip of the second to the last of the three fledglings, who all flew out  one after another from the nest yesterday. Mijn liefste P was referring by the way to the other fledgling perched already on the tree in front of our balcony, when he excitedly shouted, "There he is, there he is!"

One (we think!) still remains in the nest, it's the smallest, and we think the one who got the least feeding through the past weeks.

As you can hear from the clip, we were all very excited to witness the fledgelings flight, which we would have missed had we gone away for the weekend.  We were aware of this, as we decided last minute to go all together to Germany - originally, the family would have stayed home but since I needed a bit of moral support, they were coming along.

Most of the time, we try to console ourselves (or be consoled by others) that things happen for a reason, specially when it's a painful experience. It's not always very clear right away what the reason is nor do you get the chance to go, "A-ha! That's why!" until much later, when you have almost forgotten about it. Some are luckier than others, and do get to say, "We were lucky it happened the way it did..."

Ladybug, eldest discovered on P's Summer pants, while walking along the Kinderdijk

I guess this is the reason I am sharing some of the details of what started as an upsetting weekend, but ended up being very soulful one.

Although, I want to forget as fast as I can the ugly incident of Friday by no longer dwelling on it, I strongly felt the need to preserve the sweet cherished moments shared with the family, which slowly unfolded right after that tearful hour.

I might not be able to make rhyme and reason why things turned out the way they did, with everyone having good intentions, but at least I am lucky to have my family to help me through, and help me out of the pain of such an experience.

My old behaviour pattern would be to metaphorically "flee", "run away", as far as I could, when faced with deep-seated fear, of being misunderstood, rejected, abandoned.

Since I discovered blogging, I knew I don't have to "run away" because beside many people, who cares deeply for me, I have blogging, the therapeutic writing as my "refuge".

Littlest loves feathered friends...

This blog will serve as something to come back to when  that, "A-ha!  That's why!" moment, comes.  

Most importantly it's a clear reminder that if you put just a little more extra effort (and let the love in from people, who counts most fills you, than be engulfed by harsh, thoughtless, and perhaps simply reckless words spoken out of turn because of this person's own hurt and confusion), something wonderful can come out from something bad, painful and ugly.

It's all about changing one's focus and perspective.