Saturday, May 7, 2011

Thoughts As Mother's Day Approaches (2)

Two years, one week and one day ago I took this picture of the girls. . .

I look at it again tonight filled with love and deep yearning, that I may hold them all in my arms sooner than tomorrow.

Through the years, I have been very hard on myself because I felt, that I have let manic-depression rule over my life, thus short-changing my daughters, whom I all have wished for all of my life, of a mother they deserve.

Luckily, I have been blessed with family, friends, and random wonderful kind-hearted people, whom I all have met throughout my journey to healing, who all have helped me in my struggles, and have not let me give up.

When  feelings of helplessness, fear, and all the myriad emotions, that one goes through when the dark moments revisit, I look at the images of my daughters, of moments captured that I would not like to forget, and after a while I see them in my mind, and their eyes, and see, to them, I am just the best that they could ever have as a mother.

I try to hold on to that image because not believing it is giving in to the darkness of my mind, and not the light of love of my daughters.

BlogNote 0:09 AM (this is actually more a note for me, so I will not forget...)

I almost did not write today, and spent half an hour in the bathroom crying, purging all the negative feelings I was having over myself before I literally shook my head, and made myself focus on "simply being there", no matter how I feel, and no matter what thoughts will pour out on the keyboard and on to the computer screen.

Yeah, 365 are not free from tears.


  1. I don't know the whole story, but yet this post makes me want to send a hug from one mother to another.

    Found you via Blogathon 2011

  2. Thank you, Chris for the hug. A warm hug back.

    My apologies if the first post you find on your first visit is a tad melancholic. I am usually more optimistic on this page because I would like it to be inspiring for others.

    It seems, I still struggle with a couple of things, I though I am over with. Today was one of those days when it caught me off-guard.

    Again, my thanks for taking time to offer me the warmth of your heart. Your kindness is much appreciated.

    Wishing you lovely moments on Mother's Day! :)

    Warm regards, Joanna aka Paper Writer