Casey Neistat On My Mind

This blog was inspired by watching Casey Neistat’s most recent YouTube video: Sisyphus and The Impossible Dream & his YouTube interview @ The Diary of a CEO. (all relevant links to be edited in)

Hello dear Reader,

Its 10:50 am, I am still in bed and I had this strong urge to write before I start my Saturday.

Unlike in my previous years of blogging I do not have any monthly theme for February or do I plan to do any theme this year.

What’s it about for me in my New Year of blogging: 

1. Show up

2. Be myself 

3. Have Fun

4. Repeat

Simple.

Simplicity.

Simplifying.

If someone will ask me, who are you? My short reply would be: I am a simple person with big impossible dreams.

The big impossible dreams defined how I survive a difficult childhood. They arose from my need to escape a reality that was very painful.

In turn, my ubiquitous need for Simplicity powered not only my drive to better myself, my life but stopped me many times from giving up on myself & life all together.

Happy Feet in the Netherlands 🇳🇱 & The Amsterdam Marathon Dreams 2011-2016

Simplifying life is the goal, that made me begin my own blog website in 2011, and eventually to my childhood dream of running and finishing my first marathon in 2012.

2013 is when I learned about Casey Neistat! 11 years later, he still continues to inspire me to:

1. Show up

2. Be Myself 

3. Have Fun

4. Repeat

I stopped blogging here in 2015. The last time I blogged @ Happy Feet in the Netherlands is 2017. From 2016 - 2021 the obsession I had with blogging, running, slowly turned to obsession to working so hard that I could afford to study again and finance my other big impossible dreams.

Inevitably, I completely burned out and my mind & body shut down on me. It said: I am tired of literally running after big impossible dreams.

On the 8th of February, 2024, I woke up and made a promise to myself. I promised I am going to take care of myself better.

In 2021-2022, I thought, I had ran out of big impossible  dreams. I fulfilled them:

Have A Writing Job 

Live in Europe 

Have A Family

Be With My Soulmate

Run Marathons (specifically: Berlin, Amsterdam, Paris)

In 2021, I had them all, and I still was in too much psychological pain, that I could not stop thinking of ending my life. In Summer of the same year, after having an 18 year diagnosis of bipolar disorder (consequently also received  the treatment, medication etc for it), I was told by specialist that I have no bipolar disorder, nor ADHD (the reason I saw the specialists!)  but I have complex PTSD (various untreated childhood & adult traumas)

In November 2022, I began yet another therapy intervention (ACT therapy) . In July, 2023, I had my second intensive PTSD treatment because my therapy showed that the first intensive therapy did not successfully liberate me from my core trauma of sexual childhood abuse.

Quo vadis?  

I love that Latin Phrase. My high school Journalism teacher taught me that, when he edited my article for our high school newspaper.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed it’s one of those tools I used to ground myself.

Quo vadis? Where are you going, Joanna? Literally. 

I hope towards the steady path of Healing.

After I watched Casey Neistat’s YouTube video, an hour after he uploaded  it, I felt euphoria and a sense of belonging. I know that Sisyphus Curse! I live it! 

I climb out of depression and regain my life back again and almost at the top of the mountain, that heavy boulder I pushed comes tumbling back towards me and I find myself back in the pit.

Casey Neistat’s video started with a clip of him writing with black pentel pen on a simple sheet of paper.

“I’ve been waiting 17 years to make this.” - Casey Neistat

Last night, before I went to bed, I watched until halfway his interview @ The Diary of a CEO YouTube channel.

The main thing that stayed with me before I decided to take care of myself and finally go to bed (it was past midnight!) was his message : patience - not persistence!- is what he thinks of, when after his impossible dreams.

Today, I woke up with Casey Neistat on my mind, and his word: patience.

Healing is my next big impossible dream. Its where I going. Achieve this impossible dream.

Where are you going?