The Comforts of PMS

One of the many reasons for the 365 is my struggle with PMS. It has affected the quality of life in many ways that I can't describe in only one blog; it's only this year that things have improved since I begun having my cycles at the tender age of 10 y.o.

I have been planning for a long while to change my gynecologist for very personal reason but everything else took priority over it.  I know, I know, nothing should be more important than health but again, that is the reason for the 365,  to aid my family and I adjust our priority carefully and focus on them.

Yesterday was the first time, I simply did not think of being on time with posting the blog, I gave up being anal, and went to bed to rest my mind, my body.  So, you would notice that this once again is a backdated blog (meant for yesterday - Friday but posted  today, Saturday).

 I will be posting more backdated blogs from the time we went to Germany and the first two weeks of the girls going back to school. It's a lot of work but I have to do it to keep me motivated with the 365 of blogging.

This decision is partly influenced after watching Julie & Julia with the family on our Friday Movie night.

This blog, the blogs I created are personal projects to aid me with the transitions of living a new life here in the Netherlands, and although I care very much for my family and friends, who are supporting me, and are grateful to them and all the readers I have thus far connected since I created this blog, I was reminded by the film, that this journey is ultimately my journey, and I can take any path, or do anything to continue that path I chose, as I began the blog.

It's always a challenge to think straight before and during PMS but it's a relief once the cycle is finish and one can think clearly again. With 365, I realise with much clarity, that I am not crazy all the time, but only most of the time. ☺In between, I am rational, and I contribute positively to the lives of my family, my community and the world at large. I am not only the one, who is comforted but I comfort a lot of important people in my life, too.

On those crazy days, meanwhile, I take solace where I can, usually with the simple comforts of  pizza, cola, and brownies.


What are your  comforts for PMS (or you partner's) ?

Sleeping Blogger

Welcome, friends, readers, ICLWers! It's been at almost three weeks since my last post here due to a lot of personal matters.

Last night, I was debating with myself whether to post all the drafts meant for the daily blogging (3 weeks worth) to attempt to catch up or go simply on a Summer blog break, and decide what to do later on about all those drafted posts.  I still have not completely made up my mind yet but I am leaning towards a 3-month blogging break so far.

I was thinking if there was a way to delete my name on the list of ICLW the past couple of weeks but I was experiencing a fatigue that everything was such an effort, that I procrastinated about dealing with anything regarding blogging until the ICLW week finally arrived!

The comment on my last posted blog re-awakened this slumbering blogger, in all sense of the word!

I'll see what the ICLW week will bring, and take it one day at a time, just like the idea of this page...

The Summer Feeling

 

Yay! June is here! With it came the sunshine back in Holland!

Today,  my personal challenge of riding the bike for 30 consecutive days commenced.  I will be documenting this experience in The Lightness of Being on the Bike; it is a project to jump start the blog, which I created last April.

I will be blogging on that page daily this month while developing the idea : 30 Days of Bike Challenge, afterwards I would be setting selected days of blogging all about biking, by July.

This project would not have come to life, had I not blogged consistently for the last 5 months.  I am very grateful for the blog events I have participated in April  & May (A to Z Challenge and WordCount Blogathon) and the monthly one week long ICLW.  They, all in their own way, gave me the courage, inspiration, and most of all they brought back the magical delight in blogging!

What plans do you have for June? for Summer?

Jammin' in My Jammies

I was listening to Katie Melua, as I celebrated the completion of the 5th month of 365-self~portraits, WordCount Blogathon 2011, and going on strong with 365 days of blogging, also in it's 5th month! 

Sometimes, the only way to overcome the feeling of being closed in, feeling helpless, desperate and hopeless - as if the world, your world is coming to it's end is to simply take life ONE minute, ONE hour, ONE day at a time.

..

I Grasp Still Life - (celebrating a Book Anniversary belatedly)

On the 27th of May, 2008, I self-published a book with a collection of poems, using Blurb under my pseudonym Paper, which also served as it's simple title: Paper Poem.

It chronicles a difficult period through poetry.

book cover

The image below is the catalyst and inspiration for the book. This single image gave me hope, and helped my struggling spirit and clouded mind to write simple words, which I always struggle to find in times of stress and conflict.

I usually find it very hard to share, which is one of the motivation behind my 365 projects. It is very easy to slip into being a hermit when one is going through major transitions in life.  I have found comfort, strength, and focus in living life literally one day at atime

image originally taken April, 2008

I Grasp Still Life

There is utter happiness in a simple moment

There is simple joy in a basic action

As a little hand grasp the still life

Hope is rediscovered


Looking back, life has indeed changed a lot since I wrote this poem three years ago.  There are still a lot of major changes ahead, the only difference is, I feel my spirit is much stronger, my mind clearer.

celebratory collage for  the 365~self-portraits

I found this quote, that I would like to share to celebrate the third year anniversary of this book, that empowered me:

Words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.
Ingrid Bengis

How was life for your three years ago? Has writing words changed your life?

Avondvierdaagse

Today eldest participated for the first time in "De avondvierdaagse"  here in the Netherlands.  It is an annual four day walking event, introduced in 1909 in Holland.

It is a tradition we hope we could share as a family starting next year.  For now, we are very happy to support the eldest in the next four evenings of her walk.

If you would like to know more about this Dutch national tradition, as I myself would very much like to do, please check NWB Dutch Hiking Association.

An image of eldest is very rare now a days because she is at that stage that she does not want to be photographed at all. Except for the self-portraits she does herself, which I have to ask permission to share!

♡ ♡ ♡ I love this because I was not aware, neither was eldest, that Dada took a picture of us. ♡ ♡ ♡

Littlest wanted the tiara to be edited in, as she sat beside me and watched while I tinkered around picasa.☺

When was the last time you walked/hiked with friends and/or your family in the evening?

Hilversum, Horns and Horses

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
John Vance Cheney 

please click on collage for better view

For the first time today, since we moved to the Netherlands, the girls and I biked to Hilversum a total of 22 kms to and fro.

I was very proud of them, as was P, when he welcomed them home.  He had to work today, and I shared and showed our bike outing to him, through the pictures I took of our tour, while he let the dinner he was cooking simmer on the stove..

This week was a pretty hard week for me - emotionally, and psychologically rendering me physically weak as it mostly happens.  For this, I am extra grateful, that today, a lovely sunny Saturday, I was able to finally fulfill my promise to the girls of going with them to Hilversum on the bike.  

It was not only a fun laid back Saturday excursion but also a graspable experience for them, that although I deal with depression, I do not let it affect the plans we set out to do.  We might not do it right away, but we will eventually.  A promise is a promise.


As we planned we got scoops of their chosen ice-cream at a shop we discovered last week, after buying middle-daughter's first communion dress.


I'll be writing more about our bike tour in my other blog, The Lightness of Being on the Bike,  which I finally shared to family and friends on my FB page this afternoon; now I am sharing it here, as well.

The first post and currently the only post on the blog page, was posted on the 11th of April, also the same  day I created the blog and had the idea to record bike tours, travels, thoughts, ideas, experiences and memories recalled while on the bike.

I felt inspired by Tina Su, a blogger I admire, creator of  Think Simple Now, whose words on her FB post (talking from her personal experience), to put  ideas into reality, and share it "out there" even if it is not yet fully developed, and it is still taking shape, made me move into action myself.

Sometimes, somethings simply needs an inspiration from the outside and empowering roar in the inside of one's being, to make it happen.  And I did my mighty roar: just do it!


 How do you celebrate when the darkness has lifted from you, and the sun shines again in your heart?

A Slice of 365

Most often, the most simplest expression is the most strongest.

Tonight, I dedicate my 365~ self-portrait to P, and to the girls just because...

I love you, guys SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!
♡ ♡ ♡
Joanna/Mommy

P brought home two bouquet of gerberas after his three days' job out of town (Scheveningen, The Hague)

I wanted to remember with this picture our day, and that the small thoughtful gestures each member of the family does for one another is more than any wealth and treasure on earth.

Health issues are slowly  becoming a big challenge for me at the moment, and this morning I was contemplating whether I should go on with my 365 projects.  I shall have to see at the end of this month, how everything goes.

First Holy Communion

As time allows, I will write in more details about middle daughter's First Holy Communion, which she had today. 

It was a very simple , lovely and memorable ceremony, that was enjoyed by the family and the entire community.

The ceremony and the atmosphere of the church brought back memories of eldest First Communion in Germany 5 years ago,  in June.

Something's Cooking!

365 ~ self-portrait that inspired today's post

Today was again one of those, days that I doubted if I will be able to think of something to write about because there were so many things going on. There are also a lot of things coming up over the weekend. This kind of situation usually sends me in panic mode and I blank out.

I reminded myself to breathe in and out and FOCUS!

Then I asked myself, what is the motivation of this blog?

• It is not about selling a product or an idea.  
• It is not about giving daily advice full of wisdom for a particular field of specialization or profession

What it is about is:

• ... living the day's moments consciously , and recording the essence of the day in blog format, with the hope of inspiring, as one strives to keep one-self inspired
• ... learning and exchanging ideas/philosophies with other bloggers/writers in the blogosphere
• ... taking baby steps towards a profession/passion/dreame I once practiced/lived and dreamed of but due to many personal issues fell on the wayside

Letting all these points go through my mind as I cooked dinner for the family - my simple pleasure - relaxed me, and gave me the inspiration for today's post of the day.
.

BlogNote:

Initially, I wanted to write about what I have been cooking up for ideas regarding how I plan to be blogging and commenting around in the blogosphere i.e. planning posts for the entire month, and pre-publishing, building up readership etc.  Tips and advice from Michelle V. Rafter at  WordCount , have inspired me to do so.

But while writing my draft, I encountered technical issues, and thought I should allot another time for writing out those ideas next week.

Play Day

Household not done
Sunshine was more inviting
Monkeying required

My Day in Haiku

Today's theme in the 2011 WordCount Blogathon is Haiku.

I love poetry, and have not written one for a while now, and so today because I am in such a great mood (after an emotional weekend!) I chose to celebrate it by creating not  one but three Haikus. Hope you enjoy the pictures that inspired me, as well!

Morning's Dawn*

Drinking Earl Grey tea
Early morning's pure pleasure
Bliss is in the simple things





Afternoon's Awakening*

Merry singing birds
Makes me float in happiness
Landing gently:  free



Evening's Expectations*

Family gathered
A wonderful tasty meal
I smile at the thought

BlogNote*

Titles are not for the Haikus but for the collection of 365~photographs.                                                          

Mother's Day On the Beach

The eldest found the shell and took a picture of it while we were walking down towards the beach

A short and what I hope will be a sweet greeting post:

Happy Mother's Day, and greetings from the lovely beach of  Zandvoort, the Netherlands!

How was the Mother's Day weekend, and how did you spend it? 

Another shell that the eldest found hanging in one of my ear hoops - I was asked by eldest not to forget to mention that detail!

Blognote:

I feel much lighter, now that the girls are at home again.  I have missed them terribly, and I think that was one of those little triggers that made the weekend a tad emotional, and turned me a bit of a melodramatic blogger!☺

Thoughts As Mother's Day Approaches (2)

Two years, one week and one day ago I took this picture of the girls. . .

I look at it again tonight filled with love and deep yearning, that I may hold them all in my arms sooner than tomorrow.

Through the years, I have been very hard on myself because I felt, that I have let manic-depression rule over my life, thus short-changing my daughters, whom I all have wished for all of my life, of a mother they deserve.

Luckily, I have been blessed with family, friends, and random wonderful kind-hearted people, whom I all have met throughout my journey to healing, who all have helped me in my struggles, and have not let me give up.

When  feelings of helplessness, fear, and all the myriad emotions, that one goes through when the dark moments revisit, I look at the images of my daughters, of moments captured that I would not like to forget, and after a while I see them in my mind, and their eyes, and see, to them, I am just the best that they could ever have as a mother.

I try to hold on to that image because not believing it is giving in to the darkness of my mind, and not the light of love of my daughters.

BlogNote 0:09 AM (this is actually more a note for me, so I will not forget...)

I almost did not write today, and spent half an hour in the bathroom crying, purging all the negative feelings I was having over myself before I literally shook my head, and made myself focus on "simply being there", no matter how I feel, and no matter what thoughts will pour out on the keyboard and on to the computer screen.

Yeah, 365 are not free from tears.

Observing Remembrance Day & Celebrating Liberation Day

We observed Remembrance Day (the 4th of May) with our dear B, who will be off to France ; as usual thoughtful, loving and caring she invited us to dinner before her trip. It was a lovely bonding evening

After midnight (5th of May)***, when beloved P and I reached home we waved the Dutch flag to celebrate Liberation Day.

As you will read from the link  above, on Remembrance Day at 8:00 p.m., two minutes of silence are observed throughout the Netherlands.

To pay tribute to this day, I've combined the365~ self-portrait  images taken on the 4th, and the 5th in a collage.  For me to do this, I had to switch the blog (the emergency placeholder blog!) I posted yesterday with this post, you are currently reading (written on the 5th of May).  Now, you will see what was posted on this blog space you are currently reading once again as the most recent post (5th of May).***


I have to be honest that it is only this year, that I am slowly having a feel for all the special dates that is observed and celebrated in Holland, and I did not take in consideration, nay, I totally forgot, that the 4th was Remembrance Day *bows head in shame*.  Next year, I will have a better, more organized Dutch calendar.


This blog is my small step towards it.

BlogNote:

***I do realise this will not make sense to anyone except me.  But if one did saw the post which was on this space, then this will be a helpful information to lend a bit clarity to why the original post "disappeared" and you are reading these words now.

 I took the liberty as a publisher of this blog page to switch post because I wanted to mark Remembrance Day.  The lesson I have learned: as much as I would like to be a spontaneous blogger, I do need to organize a calendar, and plan blogs ahead according to the calendar for this complicated (explaining and...) switching of post not to happen again!.

Warming-Up for the WordCount Blogathon

"I always loved running...it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs."
Jesse Owens

Today, in search of inspiration, I googled quotes using the keyword marathon, and came upon the above quote, which I liked best.

I could replace the word "running" with writing, replace "the wind" with self-doubts, "feet" with imagination and "lungs" with will, then it will read for me:

I always loved writing...it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power.  You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting self-doubts as they come, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your imagination and the courage of your will.

 This quote could also apply to biking, my other passion but that is another topic altogether.

When I think of this year's WordCount Blogathon (my first!) , I automatically have to think on how I can compare it to running a marathon.  An endevour I would very much like to do in the future.

I feel that with patience and persistance, I could train for a marathon, and with will I could join and eventually finish it.  I started training 5 years ago, and every year I had to give up my training due to health and other personal reasons.  Still, I have never given up on this goal.  Someday soon, it will be achieved.

This somehow mirrors my dream to be a writer.  I know with patience and persistance I could create a body of work worthy of being recognized.  But I have had to battle health and other personal issues in my life many times during the last two decades,  that at one point the stress of it all disabled me to even write a simple personal letter.

In 2006 when I discovered blogging it was like learning to stand up again after what seems like half a lifetime paralysis, and as the years passed with anonymous writing online, I learned how to walk slowly back towards the path of my dream.  The first quarter of the year of writing on this page felt like a joyous jog.  With the participation in A to Z Blogging Challenge 2011, it was like running a half-marathon in preparation for  the WordCount Blogathon 2011.

I guess with this post, it is like waving at the other participants of this event just after we all left the starting point of this blogathon, and saying, "Hey! It feels good to be writing with all of you!"

When you wave back, what will you be telling me? ☺

365~ self-portrait for today, entitled: catching the last ray of the setting sun

Marathon Writing in May & Monday's Reflection on the A to Z Blogging Challenge 2011

 

“I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.” ~ Mark Twain

Welcome to May, and welcome fellow excited bloggers, who are participating in this year's WordCount Blogathon 2011!  My warm greetigs as well and congratulations to accomplished participants of the A to Z Blogging Challenge April 2011 ! Last but not least, a  resounding, hello to the enthusiastic circle of  ICLWers!

In the short time of creating this small writing corner in this huge space of blogosphere,  I have participated in three blogging events.

First was the NaBloPoMo in March, something I have been meaning to do since I heard about it, more than a couple of months after I begun with anonymous blogging in September, 2006.  If you want to read about it's beginnings (November, 2006), you could check out an old interview with it's creator Eden M. Kennedy, which I recently found.

Through NaBloPoMo, I discovered Melissa Ford, who brought to life and hosts the IComLeavWe  (Interational Comment Leaving Week) on her page Stirrups Queens.

At the same time I came across Arlee Bird's annual blogging event, A to Z Blogging Challenge 2011, which is held every year in April.

I participated at both events within the same month. 

They say all good things come in threes, and I am happy to share that in the case of all these blogging ( ICLW is blogging related) events, this absolutely applies.

365~ self-portrait for today, entitled: I finished the A to Z Blogging Challenge!

As I continue my daily writing in the month of May, I am dedicating it to all readers old and new, generous, encouraging commenters, new friends, new bloggers I subscribed to follow, and most of all to those who would like to create their own blog page, and are seeking encouragement and inspiration!

I could and would write a long list, and posts of what A to Z Blogging Challenge gave to me this May, as a writer and a blogger. Today, I will summarize it in one thought: A to Z made me thoroughly enjoy writing, communicating, blogging in it's truest and simplest form like how I enjoyed and experienced it as a newbie, when I  discovered blogging 5 years ago!

All that I have experienced, the wonderful positive feelings, I will take with me as I do my marathon writing for WordCount Blogathon 2011. The time I did not have to visit pages of many A to Z participants ( & IComLeavWe participants), in April I will make in the month of May, and write about what I learned from each blogger I visited linking to their blogs.  Also looking forward to getting to know and learning from bloggers of WordCount Blogathon 2011.

Once again, thank you so much for the A to Z event Arlee Bird of Tossing it Out!


Inspire & be Inspired, fellow bloggers!

BlogNote 

If you would like to be inspired in your writing and perhaps  participate in next year's A to Z Blogging Challenge, please visit Arlee Bird's :

 

2011 Blogging from A to Z Challenge Reflections Mega Post

Y - Yes!

Yes! One day away from completing the A to Z Blogging Challenge April 2011, and feeling jubilant about it!

Yes! The sunny Spring weather is back in Ankeveen, and I am enormously grateful for it!

Yes! Caught beautiful moments of the much awaited Royal Wedding in England online, and looking forward to watching clips of the entire day from the Royal Channel , next week.

Yes! Feeling much better now after a couple of days of tiredness, and now absolutely ready to pack for our day trip for Germany tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow...

Yes! We'll go Orange for Queen's Day, thanks to last minute shopping at Kruidvat, and very excited to share a family picture of it with you!

Finally, wore for the first time this Spring, a Summer hat! Yes, I am ready for a lot of sun for the coming season!


What made you  cheer, 'Yes!' today?

X - Xenophile

Before I went to bed last night, I asked family and friends on my FB page for ideas regarding X-words.  I was delighted to wake up in the morning and see the comments of my long standing favourite blogging friends supplying me with not only great suggestions but their words sparked another idea for a blog series: the X blog series!  More on that later, when the A to Z Blogging Challenge comes to it's final day, and May commences.

Now, to the chosen word for tonight: X- xenophile.  I chose this because I love learning new words, foreign sounding words to be precise!  It is fascinating that I have never known of this word until this morning when I have known of  xenophobia the opposite word of xenophily.

for details about this collage see notes below, and please click on this image for better view

My fascination and eventual love for foreign countries, culture and people started, as I have mentioned from a previous post, through my father's tourist guide profession, my godmother's world travels and my readings as a child of Brother Grimm's & Hans Christian Andersen's Fairytales.

Even when I hardly understood what I read, it excited me to read words that were foreign to me.  I guess, in hindsight, that was the early beginnings of my love affair with foreign languages.

Admittedly, I have not thought much about this love for everything foreign, I did wonder why I never fear living in different countries, no hesitation to make huge transitions such as speaking a new language, adapting to a new culture or adjusting to new food (this I have observed is not very easy for Filipinoes, who does welcome new delicasies and are known for their excellent way to adapting to any thing foreign but tend to want Filipino staple food on a daily basis to be completely satisfied and happy!)  but when it comes to daily routine of life, I am more challenged!

Today's post is an introduction to how I will dig deeper over this passion for everything foreign!  Perhaps another series?! ☺

Do you see yourself as a xenophile?  Is this the first time you come across this word?  What are your thoughts about xenophily?

Blognote 

First of all thank you all ICLW April 2011 friends for the comment you left on my blog and for subscribing to this page! Even though today marks the end of the week long commenting, I have noted those new blogging friends, and will definitely spend time paying you all a visit to get to know each one of you better.  

This same sentiment goes to all my fellow A to Z Blogging Challenge Apri 2011 bloggers!  You have motivated me in days that I simply wanted to give up!  It may have been random but I felt the sincerity of each cheer that the comment left behind.

A special thank you to my long standing blogger friend, who is residing in Japan for giving me the word of the day!  He has always provided me with creative inspiration through our years of friendship with the images he passionately takes, his admirable writing and his unique sense of humour. I miss your blogs, dear friend! But I am grateful to FB because I still get to experience snippets of your wit.  Also you feed my xenophily profusely with tales of life in Japan!

親愛なる友人、本当にありがとうございます！

 

Details on the images on the collage:

Upper-left corner : Reichstag, during a visit to Berlin 2009

Upper-left: Brandenburger Gate, Berlin 2009

Lower left corner: De Mole, Windmill Restaurant, Easter 2011

Upper-right corner: London Yuletide Holiday, 1997
Lower-right corner: Trinity College Library Dublin, Yuletide Holiday 2009
Middle: 365~ self-portrait 28. April, 2011 

W - Winning an Award & WordCount Blogathon 2011 !

Today was one of those days, I was seriously questioning my sanity for starting this project of 365 days of continuous blogging, not to mention adding on top of it blog challenges after  blog challenges, and participation in blogging events  to help keep me motivated each day.

Then I open my email, and discover the comments left for different posts, and the new readers, who took time to click on the "follow blog", and I felt completely (((hugged))) with this wonderful feeling of doing the right thing because I know somewhere in the future the random frustration behind this daily writing will be filled with wonderful stories of friendships formed, wisdom learned, a deeper appreciation of simple actions leading to great changes.

I graciously thank Maria, who writes at MISSION: Fertile Soul, for The Versatile Award, which she bestowed on me today!  Her comment on my previous post, "Veni, Vidi, Vici:" literally saved my day by inspiring my post for today, and lifting my sagging blogging spirit. ☺

Here is the fun part of receiving/bestowing the award - the how to's of spreading the love:

     1. Winners grab the image above and put it on your blog.
     2. Link back to the person who gave it to you.
     3. Tell 10 things about yourself.
     4. Award 15 recently-discovered bloggers.
     5. Contact the bloggers you have awarded to let them know they have won.

I will be writing another separate post about this on Sunday since I would like to dedicate more time and focus on numbers 4 & 5, which I sadly do not have today.

The girls will be in Germany for the May vacation; preparation for our trip over the weekend to bring them there, and attend to last minute school events are keeping me busy.

At this point, I have to sadly admit that  I am totally behind with my commenting for ICLW. My plan of alloting time in the early morning and some more in the evening before I turn in for bed did not work out completely.  In the midst of potty training the littlest and all other daily chores/activities I have to attend to, I spread myself thin, I think.  There is yet another lesson learned towards simplifying life: admit when things get overwhelming because the instant you do, the overwhelming feeling disappears!

Here is hoping the next time I will be jubilant with my personal ICLW goal.  Definitely the event introduced me to wonderful new bloggers, who graciously visited my humble blogging corner, and all generously left wonderful comments,  and that I see as a success in itself!

As A to Z Blogging Challenge April 2011 nears it's end, I await the onset of May with a new blogging challenge and look forward to participating in WordCount Blogathon 2011.  More about it on Sunday as well! I am hoping the challenge will help me improve my writing, move the focus once more to communicating better, rather than obsessing over unimportant details.

Wishing you all a wonderful Wednesday, may you let go of overwhelming feelings if you have them, by simply acknowledging the feeling!

I believe if you cannot celebrate the simple joys of being acknowledged for your efforts, no matter how simple they are, you will never truly know joy in it's pure form once you have reached your ultimate goal. ~ paper